School doesn't appeal to me at all. maybe because of just one person, it can ruin your whole apetite of actually sitting in class/the same lecture hall for one and a half hour. i shall not say more here, because then maybe if i go to school tmr, someone might just come up to me and punch me or something. although it may not be that of a shock since i was kicked before, again farah, dont go there. i seriously feel more of a loner, as the day goes by. maybe its just these little voices and feelings messing with my own head. but i really don't know. all i know is that, things are not really going pretty good for me, and im just pretending to be strong. which im not, obviously. thats just me, and i can't help it. what i show myself to the world, is totally different from the me right now, who's locked up in a room with a lappy in hand and a blank new post page to write on. i sometimes wish badly, that i can be like this all the time, especially in front of others, so that people will actually know, when im sad or angry for real. and not because of PMS. seriously, the world should know, that PMS is becoming such a lame excuse for women. because men are moody and emotionally unstable too sometimes, and its not fair that they dont have a label like we do. i rarely hear anymore things like, ''oh. she's really upset'', or,"oh. she's just super pissed off at something.'' now its always, people will ask things like, '' whats wrong with her?" and the most typical answer would be, " alah. normal ah. PMS." Can't a girl be upset or angry for real? come on. kay, i shall stop ranting on this because later people think that im having a major PMS rush right now. pffft. kay, back to my so not interesting self. i meant what i say, i sometimes wish that i can be this calm and composed and yet not pretending about anything while im out there. Its actually complicated, and super hard to understand, i know. im a gemini anyway. not that i believe in all this horoscope shit but, a gemini has multiple personalities. i bet mega and gaga agrees with me on this. haha. but whatever. sometimes i think too much about things, until it doesn't really make sense at all. while im typing this now, im actually still dreading on the fact that there's school tmr, and i know, i will be late again. i'll walk into the lecture theatre looking lost, with my headphones on, but you guys already know this right, i dont really care that im late. and i know im always with my headphones on now. because it seperates me from the world. and i love that. i can't hear the things that people are saying around me, the things i hear will only be those that are actually meant for me. i know its kind of rude to wear headphones all the time especially when ure sitting around a table. but im that type of person who really hates to stand in people's business, so when i think that i shouldn't interfere and hear things, i hear good music. hardcore metal preferred. =) okay yeah, i know the way i think about things is weird but, oh wells. i really am making a point to not care about my life anymore because the more i do, its like the more messy things get. so im just there wherever things flow. and yeah. im just waiting for someone new. not related to any parts of my past or whatsoever. lets have a total stranger whom i didnt know before, and start things anew. because the past is like ergh. there must be someone out there who can brighten things up right? hey. im single and eveready to mingle baby.
oshit. im like this 5 year old girl who believes that prince charming is really charming and not just a complete dick who doesn't know that millions of women can have the same feet size that fits perfectly in the same glass slipper.
